Just like you and everyone else, I too have had many phases in my life.
There was this phase of innocence where I actually believed in the story that God made me and summoned two angels called parents to guard me.
I then thought of my Father as an angel with hairy hands and chest. Merely thinking of which gives me a good laugh now.
I have been through the common phase of vulnerability too.
I had a friend whom I believed to be my knight-in-the-shiny-armor. I thought of him as an escape from reality and that his protection for me was for ever.
But I failed. But I learnt.
I have been through this phase I never really talked much about.
It came to me as a grave and silent tragedy. It came to me as a startling realization that I was futile, I was waste and had no worth to live at all.
This was the phase of depression.
It isn’t something like that a result of a heartbreak or pain of a failure. It isn’t that instant and forgettable.
It is steady and stealth. It’s an aftermath of a chain of events. Events which I call personal tragedies. Or so it was for me.
I disconnected from every person I was connected to. I limited my reach to even the people I loved and those who loved me.
I secluded myself into a carapace of oblivion that was too hard to break. Even for me.
I was in pain.
It was then when I felt suffocated, I reached out for help. I first searched for help in the divine I called God.
I placed my heart so close to Him that in order to search me one would have to find God himself.
And I must admit I did find peace.
The real peace however comes when you are ready to give everything you have and receive what others have to offer. The real peace comes when your soul is free.
The real peace comes when you let people in.
But I was still caged in depressions and shackled in misery. But I wanted to break free.
I didn’t want to keep my loved ones at bay. Though I didn’t want to make others a part in my pain yet I wanted to find a way out.
And when I couldn’t find a way out, I found a way in.
I searched for a way inside myself, inside my own intellect, inside my own intelligence and that of the others in the form of books. And I found it and I concluded.
And I decided to let people in. I let people in ’cause closing the doors, building walls around me wouldn’t keep them out it’d only fence me in.
I let people in even if meant me getting hurt all over again, even if there was no guarantee of return of the love I spread.
I let people in as I knew everyone had something to offer me; sweet or soar, life had many experiences to bestow upon me.
I found my way and I found my peace.
And that’s my dear reader how my phase of maturity came.