Earlier in this month of March 2017, my mother was rushed in the hospital after she fell down late at night. She was initially diagnosed with Severe Anemia which then later led to her operation after long years of sufferings from rectal and uterus prolapsed. She had her two (2) major successful operations – Rectopexy and Hysterectomy. But what is more to this incident was my mother is a psychiatric patient who’s been suffering from mental depression for more than 20 years now.
Never been ashamed with her condition ever since it started, I was eight (8) years old when she started showing symptoms of depression. But our eldest said it already started from time I was conceived. Perhaps my only fault during time was I was young, naïve with what will finally eventuate after. Hearing random screams at night, loud utterance of different emotions, desperate crying that can’t be explained why she is in deep pain and sadness. That very moment when it finally came into its complete manifestations of nervous breakdown, I knew I lost her. And the loss of my father’s job even exacerbated the situation.
The feeling was like the lights suddenly turned off and everything went on total darkness where you don’t know where to start moving. Not even a ray of light illuminates to show little way, way out of misery that could bring just even tiny glimpse of hope to our hearts. It was devastating.
There was even one time where she burned our house. The good thing was a passer-by immediately helped in killing the fire and the rest of the neighbourhood rush to do so. By that time, I was in my primary years in schooling where I was bullied several times because of my mother’s mental illness. Though I was sad with everything that is going on around me that time, there is one thing which keeps me going, my MOTHER. She is the reason why I have to keep on fighting every battle of life and not just fighting but making sure I will win in all of it.
They say that no amount of love can explain the love of a mother to her child but I say it is equal.
Worst things could happen in our life anytime and sometimes in the most painful and unexpected way we could ever imagine. But know that there are already people set and plan by God whom we will meet along the way and will guide us to our northern star. I hope I can be that one star to other people who badly needs a little shine of their life.